Letting Go: a Case Study in Greed
by Whitters
Summary: That dear readers is  in the humble opinion of this observer : greed. Jerry Barber. FicTacToe Challenge.


_FicTacToe Entry: Greed_

_Wow guys... I really have no idea... I scrapped this so many times and started over. Detective Barber is, in my opinion, the toughest nut to crack out of any character on Rookie Blue. Even as a figment of my imagination in my head, he was anything but cooperative. _

_That being said... This is kind of scary. What started out as a clear, concise concept kind of bubbled down to the ramblings of a crazy woman. This was really a lesson in patience for me, since I knew exactly what I wanted to say but no matter what, it didn't seem to want to come out on paper._

_Also.. I don't own Rookie Blue, of course. And right now, that's probably a good thing... Or Jerry Barber would be in a world of hurt right about now... ._

* * *

**Letting Go: a Case Study in Greed**

* * *

"Right," and his world crashes down around him. She's walking away; from him, from them, from everything.

"I'm sorry Jerry," she says, the look in her eye conveying more words than they have time to speak at the present moment.

"Yeah, um," he plasters a smile to his face, finally making that hard decision."You give Leo a little... a little kiss for me."

She doesn't say anything, just turns her eyes down and walks away. He doesn't go after her.

Ladies and gentlemen, our hero has reached his turning point.

However, to understand this defining moment we must take a look at the events and situations leading here. We cannot simply understand how our hero has made so material a change in himself without first understanding the original flaw.

* * *

We, as a people, have come to expect certain things from our lives. We expect a chance to live, a chance to better ourselves in some way or another, and a chance at happiness. We expect that someday an eternal sleep will claim us, and we expect that we will be powerless to stop it. Whether or not we are deserving of these things is beyond the scope of relevance. To expect is our condition.

But when one begins to expand their frame of mind beyond simple expectation... When one delves into the realm of entitlement... When one believes that all things are somehow, owed to them... When one blindly pursues these perceived entitlements with little real thought towards the consequences of their actions... That dear readers is (in the humble opinion of this observer): greed.

Not to say that our hero is by nature a greedy man; he is not. But, he _has_ fallen into a trap of his own doing and it is not as if he was not warned beforehand.

If asked, our hero can repeat word-for-word the wisdom shared by Mr. Evans during the junior prom when he had been caught making out beneath the bleachers with his third girl of the night.

"To be greedy in love, Jerald, is a great failing indeed."

If only those words had not, at the time, fallen on seventeen-year-old deaf ears. It is possible then that our hero might not be in such a predicament. Yet every failing is a chance for growth... And our hero has most definitely grown into something much more than he was.

* * *

Detective Jerry Barber, as you may or may not know, has always prided himself on being a rule-follower. He is adept at completing tasks on time, "by the book," and without complaint. He is the go-to guy for Toronto's Fifteenth Division and will always be one of the first names brought up when someone reliable is needed.

Perhaps that is how he managed to rise to a detective's position so quickly. Perhaps it's why he was asked to teach at the rookie training academy. Perhaps it is why he is so well liked around Fifteen. And perhaps it is how he's managed to get himself into such a mess in the first place.

Detective Barber is great at following _almost _all the rules. But it's usually those rules we ignore—the tidbits given to us by those we managed to not respect until long after the fact—that have the habit of biting us in the ass.

With that said, please allow this observer to present the facts which have lead us to this moment, this decisive time in our hero's journey long journey. This point where, instead of continuing on his path, he chooses to let go.

* * *

It has been this observers experience that many young, successful men are in want of a wife; perhaps above all else. And our hero was no exception. Thus a new player, Audrey Clemens was brought into the picture. The wedding was modest—an affair only for extremely close friends and family members—yet absolutely perfect in every detail. The marriage, however, was a far cry from the flawlessness implied by such an impeccable ceremony.

To find the fatal flaw, we must consult a friend of the groom: Oliver Shaw. Shaw, a co-worker of our hero has been quoted on many occasions (and was eager to relay his theory to myself and anyone who would listen) as saying "it takes a special kind of person to be a police spouse."

Shaw is not wrong... And dear readers, Audrey Clemens-Barber was not one of those rare people. It took only two short years for her to decide that the comfortable life our hero provided was not a substitute for happiness. She left shortly before his first day as an academy instructor and the divorce papers had arrived promptly thereafter.

Now any person, when faced with a crumbling marriage and the overwhelming fact that they had indeed screwed up somewhere, might lean towards extreme action. But instead of getting drunk or taking his frustrations out on someone, our hero instead sat and determined what he was owed now that he had been dealt a bad hand.

His conclusion: He deserved to have someone. Someone needed to fill the Audrey-sized hole in his life and the universe owed it to him to provide such a person.

Enter Traci Nash. The street-savvy, sharp-tongued rookie who sat third row center. In his opinion, she'd do the job nicely. And so he pursued her.

Not that their courtship was without challenges along the way. As a rookie she may have looked up to him more than would be considered normal, but Traci Nash is not someone willing to take crap from anyone. More than once they had hit bumps along the way but our hero had salvaged every situation with the same unfailing confidence and charm that could usually sweep her off of her feet.

As weeks passed our couple grew closer and closer. To an outside observer they were just another young couple in love, but we know it ran much deeper than that; at least from the perspective of our hero. To him, this is exactly what he wanted... Exactly what he deserved after the whole mess with Audrey. Their divorce wasn't even finalized yet and here he was, happy as can be.

If you ask him (and believe me, this observer has) Detective Barber is still unable to recall when the universe's supposed debt to him was upped, but it wasn't long into his new relationship when a good woman just wasn't quite enough anymore. He'd gotten what he wanted so what possible problem could come from deciding more was deserved?

Something more was needed to satisfy our hero's ever growing expectations of the perfect life. He had the girl, now it was time for a family; who cared if things with Audrey didn't work out and there was no guarantee that Traci was looking for the long haul? Conveniently enough for our hero, his smoldering rookie was also a single mom—this was turning into an entitlement that he didn't even have to work for.

It wasn't long until he grew attached to the little boy, Leo. After all, he was getting everything in one fell swoop. All he needed to do was buy the ring and pop the question. Of course she'd say yes; how could she say anything else?

The one thing our hero _didn't _take into account is the fact that if there's a chance we can sabotage ourselves... we usually do. Detective Jerry Barber is, unfortunately, not an exception to this rule.

Perhaps it was not a good idea to blame his lost notebook on Leo. Perhaps it was not a good idea to hint that his girlfriend's son was a brat. Perhaps it was not a good idea to throw Audrey in Traci's face. Perhaps it was not a good idea to let her walk away without at least apologizing.

* * *

But now, as she disappears out the door to be with her new little family, our hero has come to understand his true flaw. And in doing so he thinks over every step which brought him to this place.

He'd gotten married. He'd gotten divorced... Because he _wanted_ to.

He'd began dating one of his students... Because he _deserved_ to be happy after his marriage fell apart.

He'd pressured her to share her life and the life of her child with him... Because he _deserved_ a family.

He'd held her back from assignments; sticking her on desk duty more than usual... Because he didn't _deserve_ to lose her.

He'd endangered her job multiple time by pulling her aside for a quick make out session in one of the interview rooms... Because he _deserved_ to see her more than his busy detective schedule allowed.

He'd accused her and her son of sabotaging him; of making him lose a notebook that he later found stuffed under his couch... Because he _deserved_ to be respected as a detective and admitting that he'd made a mistake certainly would hamper that.

He'd been a greedy bastard... And now he'd lost her.

Yet even with all of the chaos that our hero's actions have caused and his subsequent punishment, there is still a ray of hope. It is possible to atone for our sins and Jerry Barber has already taken the first step.

He'd let her walk away without argument... Because for the first time, he realized that maybe she _deserved_ happiness just as much, if not more, than he did.

* * *

_/flail  
... That is all... No seriously... It is._


End file.
